Public Restrooms

I got this in an email from my daughter the other day, and thought it was so good, I'd share it with everyone.



When you have to visit a public restroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall..

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom , no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, ( Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail. Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT .. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'



This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!

Send this to all women that need a good laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!! It could save your life!



A Friend Is Like A Good Bra....

Hard to Find

Supportive

Comfortable

Always Lifts You Up

Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging

And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Rain, Rain, Go Away

I like rain, but enough is enough, already. The ground can't hold anymore, and I'm not really sure I know what a sunny day that lasts all day long, is anymore. I sleep too late because it's just good sleeping weather. If it's not rain, it's the fog that rolls in like it does in a good horror movie. It creeps in and then sworms around. You can see the mist in the air. Even the turkeys haven't been around, lately. Once the weather does clear up, I really need to clean the windows, inside and out. Not my favorite thing to do. It really could be worse. It could be another snowpocolypse like last year. Yes, snowpocolypse is the official word for last year.

FarmVille, the great time waster

Yes, I play FarmVille and spend too much time playing it. I worry about my crops dieing when I can't harvest them in time. I rearrange my farm all the time. I have alot of animals I need to take care of. I keep thinning them out, but I keep getting more. The same with the trees. I got my kids and mother started on FarmVille, also. Yes, I saw the bit on the Dr. Phil show, but I'm not nearly as bad as the woman on the show was. I get things done around the house and fix meals. I don't check it as often as I used to. I have to have something to keep me occupied, since I can't go out in the icy and mud. If that's not a good enough reason to play it how about this for a reason; it's a whole lot easier on my back than a real garden. Cleaner, too.

Mud

This winter my snow globe is a mud globe. You walk in the grass, and it squishes like you were walking on a sponge. The reast of the yard is just a muddy, muddy mess. Slippery, icy in places, and so deep our Ford F250 has trouble getting out of it in 4x4. Jake doesn't want to go out because he'll get his feet icky (smart dog). Poodle feet hold a lot of mud. I wipe them off when Chip comes in the house and think I did a prety good job of it, and then he jumps in my lap and I see it wasn't such a good job after all. Every once in a while, Murphy comes in looking like a dirty drowned rat, or cat in this case. He likes toweled off and doesn't really seem to mind the rain. We have green showing up in the yard and it's not mold. It's moss and grass. I hope we have alot of  wildflowers this year. Didn't have that many last year.

Merry Christmas

It's Christmas, and with the kids grown, and no family around, it just seems like any other day. Christmas is fun with kids around. I remember when I was a kid, we had to wait until my dad finished his cup of coffee. He managed to drag out that cup of coffee so long, we didn't think he'd ever finish it. I know he did it to make us squirmy kids suffer. I could have done it with our kids, but I don't like coffee. I suppose I could have done it with my morning chocolate milk. Tim did it though, and then he thought we needed to eat breakfast first. That didn't fly with anyone. Adults have a cruel streak in them at certain times of the year. Also, everyone knows when the kids are really little, the boxes, bows, ribbons and paper are the best part. We could have saved a lot of money by just wrapping up empty boxes. One year, when all 3 kids could count, they discovered Alyssa had 1 less present under the tree. I spent the same amount on all 3 of them, but the amount of presents count. I jumped in the car and drove the 1/2 hour into town and went to the only place that was still open, a Thrifty's Drug Store. Not much toy selection there, but I did find a mermaid. All was well with the new count after that and I learned to wrap the same amount of gifts for the kids, even if it was  just wrapped batteries.

Was That Sunshine?

I think I saw sunshine yesterday for about half an hour. I'm not really sure, since it's been raining for 2 weeks and gray and foggy when it's not raining. Whatever it was, it sure was bright. I almost had to close the blinds some, but by the time I was going to close them, it was gone. I saw some more of it for about 10 minutes today, but it was on a distant hill. All our rain saturated ground turned to ice over night, with a very, very, light dusting of snow. It's very slick outside, so I'm inside.

Moose or Bigfoot

Last night, when I was taking the dogs out, a big, hairy, smelly, thing ambled through the trees, just passed the little clearing, not to far from where we were standing in the front yard. It scared all 3 of us. Moose aren't the nicest of critters, and I have heard bigfoot can be tempramental, also. Tim thinks the dogs and I just made it up, because he didn't see anything when he took out the mega light to look. he did smell it, though. I really did hear something really large and saw some huge antlers way up in the air, so I guess that leaves out bigfoot. The ground is so frozen there were no hoof prints and since we have no snow, no prints in that either. Chip was doing his best impression of a gaurd dog, but I could tell he'd turn and run toward the house in a second.  He did have a leash on, since it was very dark outside. Jake was already at the door. Murphy probably would have chased it away, but hewas sleeping in his rocking chair where it was nice and warm. We didn't see or smell anything tonight. Of course, no camera. It was too dark to take a picture, anyway. Besides that, it's hard to take a picture, dragging a puppy on a leash, while quickly walking toward the house. Life is interesting up here.

Chip

Two weeks ago, I bought a 6 month old male chocolate poodle( I have been told since then, that they are just called brown, not chocolate) puppy named Chico. I changed his name to Chip. Now he's a chocolate Chip. Some people have a warped sense of humor. It took him a day to learn his new name. He has small dog syndrome. He was the runt of the litter and had no training other than housebreaking and crate training. Now, he gets to unlearn 6 months of doing what he wants. One good thing about Chip, is, he learns fast. Poodles are suppose to be very smart. Our son, Daniel, told me he couldn't believe his mother got a poodle. Our daughter, Amy, says she doesn't know what's worse, owning a chihuahua (she has a cute long haired one named Elsa) or owning a poodle. Jake and Chip get along well, and Chip really wants Murphy to play. Murphy is not impressed. It's a big change having a 7 pound puppy vs a 150 pound lab/horse mix. I am too old for big dogs these days, even though we do miss Dixie. It's funny watching Chip play and fly through the air with the greatest of ease. It's a good thing we don't have 2 dogs flying through the air. We just have 2 dogs running in the house chasing each other all the time. At least they aren't fighting.

'Tis The Season For....Mud?

Well, it's that time of year again. Mud season. We had an 1 1/2 -2 inches of snow Friday. It sure looked pretty. It started earlier this year than last. Now, we get rain. Snow+ rain= mud. Muddy dog and cat paw prints all over the kitchen floor since they haven't learned to wipe their feet yet. Jake, the dog, hates icky feet. Murphy, the cat, could care less about icky feet. Me, I just get to stay inside so I don't slip and break anything again this year. Oh, and I get to dry off the soggy cat and wipe Jake's feet off. At least, he has learned to stay on the rug until I'm done. Yes, I know. I wanted seasons other than brown, but mud is brown. Remember walking through the mud bare footed as a kid? Splashing in puddles? Snowball fights? Now that I am older, it's hot chocolate with lots of marsmellows, and a good book. Life is good.

Snow

We are having the first snow of the season in my snow globe world. So far, about 1/4" and melting.The National Weather Service says less than 1", which is much better than 80" in 3 weeks like last year, but that wasn't until December, either. Time will tell. After that, more rain. Just what we need; more mud. I have lots to keep me entertained when I'm housebound. This year, I've decided to lear to knit. I took knitting lessons when I was 12 and remember the knit stitch and how to cast on and bind off. I need to relearn the purl stitch. My handspun yarn will look much better knitted than crocheted. Less bulky. First, I have to finish and start another sweater for my grandsons for Christmas. One day, maybe, I'll finish all my started, but not finished, crafts. I have quite a few of them. There are reasons they haven't been finished yet. I look at them periodically, and still have no great desire to finish most them. I guess if I get really hard up for something to do, they'll be on my list somewhere.